Fear Not

by Liz Dadanian

Without a doubt, fear has played a central role in human evolution. Fight or flight instincts are a fantastic way to get us out of dangerous situations and keep us alive. Many of our societal beliefs and institutions are built on the wisdom that a little fear-induced caution can be helpful in ensuring a smooth, safe, relatively drama-free life. It is this line of thinking that prompts people to wear seatbelts, buy insurance, and go for their annual medical exams. All of these are perfectly reasonable actions to mitigate potential harm. The dark side is that almost everyone allows fear way too much control over their lives.

Fear is such a strong emotion because it was designed to really get our attention. The intent, after all, was survival. On top of that, Mother Nature also gifted us with the ability to deeply imprint the lessons learned from unwanted past experiences to help us steer clear of future danger. In modern times, most of the things that induce fear aren’t imminent life or death threats. Unfortunately, the biological effects are largely the same. Unchecked, just the anticipation of fear or an unwanted outcome can keep us from fully experiencing our lives and prohibit us from exploring our full potential. Almost every one of us has conjured elaborate narratives about why it is a bad idea to venture into the unknown. Worse yet, we also spend a lot of time worrying about all the things that could go wrong in our perfectly fine current situation. The bottom line is that if you are experiencing fear, anxiety, or worry about something that might happen, then your fear response is operating on overdrive.

Overdrive fear is almost never helpful. Not being able to move past these types of emotions, can result in a life spent somewhere between a stifling comfort zone and complete paralysis. We “play it safe” and expend a lot of energy trying to safeguard the things we value; our possessions, relationships, a job, influence, prestige, acceptance, status, and even our identity. Fear induced avoidance causes us to adopt a set of compensating behaviors that cause us to feel inauthentic. Knowing that we’re selling ourselves short is quite painful so we make our problems worse by getting very good at justifying our avoidance.

The good news is that there is another way. Fear, in and of itself, isn’t the problem. The real snag is that fear is usually our reaction to fear and this is a learned condition. Most of us haven’t been exposed to a more productive mindset for dealing with this emotion. If we could move from avoidance to curiosity about our fears, there is a fantastic opportunity for personal insight and learning.

Here are some steps to help get you going…

• Reflection – Get quiet and listen to what your fear is telling you. Try to be objective and curious during this phase. Ask yourself questions as if you were interviewing someone. When did this fear start? What triggered it? Did you come up with this on your own or did someone suggest it to you? How likely is this issue to manifest?
• Identification - Under normal circumstances, humans tend to experience fears in certain theme groups: lack, abandonment, failure, pain, uncertainty and loss of identity. Putting a name on your fear will help you gain some control in the situation and will provide meaningful insights on how to develop a more productive path forward.
• Reframe – Find new and more positive thoughts to replace the old fear tapes running through your mind. For instance, try changing “I’m afraid of losing my job” to “There are things I can do to stay relevant and marketable.”
• Action – The final step is to start taking action in the opposite direction of your fear. If you think you’re going to lose your job, don’t just fret, start working on your resume, take a course to boost your skills or start saving some rainy-day cash.

By taming your fight or flight response you are much more likely to discover that what you fear is surmountable and that you are stronger than you think. Given the opportunity, fear can be our greatest teacher. If we can resist the immediate urge to flinch, there is always wisdom beyond the initial emotion.